Habit-change? It's all in a conversation.
Tools, tips and updates from Behavioural Change Specialist and creator of The Kindness Method, Shahroo Izadi
Changing habits is simple (but not easy).
It involves talking yourself into making difficult choices in a row until they feel more natural.
Plans are great, but even the best plans won’t go to plan. The good news is that the choices you manage to make when no one is watching and there are no guidelines to follow, that get you to where you want to be more quickly
You see, sustained, meaningful change isn’t about following rules perfectly or avoiding every test.
It’s about choosing to remind yourself (especially in those moments when it’s hardest to do so) that you are someone who can trust and believe in themselves to make smart, powerful decisions in every their lives. That you are someone who does what they says that were going to do, and that you are someone one who will set themselves difficult challenges for the rest of their lives.
It’s about remembering that however tough things may seem in the moment, in the end, everything comes down to what you tell yourself, and what that conversation convinces you to do (or not do) next.
The good news is, there are 3 simple questions you can practice asking yourself - on the spot - to make sure you’re always moving in the direction of your most valued long-term goals.
The next time you’re tempted to go off track (or stay off-track) with your new routines or plans of change, ask yourself these 3 questions, and that game-changing conversation you need will start taking care of itself…
1. what choice will I be proud of myself for tomorrow?
2. what would I tell someone I love to do in this moment?
3. what would I do right now if someone I really respected was watching me?
(Might be worth screenshooting that).
Once you get into the habit of pleasantly surprising yourself with this free, 3-step hack, you’ll want to see what other difficult things you can do (and get through) by speaking to yourself differently.
Remember, even the best coach or accountability buddy can’t be with you 24 hours a day. Your internal dialogue will. Listen-in on it and remember that even when new behaviours seem impossible, you’re not by yourself, you’re with yourself. Urges and cravings are just jumping off points for negotiation.
In the end, you always get to choose your next step; and you deserve to feel smart, powerful and capable when no one is watching.
You’re watching, and your opinion matters.
If positive, motivating self-talk is something you struggle with personally, then I want to help.
Leave a comment below asking for any free tools and advice you’d like around this theme, and (provided I’m qualified to do so), I’ll create some useful content for you.
Here are others ways to access my approach to changing habits:
Online Masterclasses - 3 hrs - £65
These are intensive, 3-hour workshops that I regularly deliver live (and I’ve just released more dates for). There's intentionally no interaction, sharing of personal experiences, or dreaded ‘ice breakers.’ Even I won’t ask what plans you want to create or goals you want to achieve. Masterclasses are an opportunity to carve out time and invest in yourself. My intention is to provide an affordable way for you to be guided step-by-step by me personally to complete written exercises and learn how to apply The Kindness Method to change any habit, in any area of your life and for the rest of your life. Masterclasses are designed to help you understand yourself better, believe in yourself more and by the end, come away with more motivation as well as a truly bespoke action-plan ready to activate and keep up by yourself.
Book your spot here
Socials
If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know that I invite requests for free advice in my stories; and make short, useful videos in response. These are shared on Facebook, Tik Tok and YouTube.
Follow me on Instagram
Podcasts
I see podcast appearances as a great opportunity to hand over everything useful I know about changing habits for good. I intentionally pack them full of useful tools and tips, and I’ve been a quite a few! Simply type my name into any podcast platform and you’ll see them come up.
Listen on Apple Podcasts
Books
Both The Kindness Method (on general habit-change) and The Last Diet (on changing binge-eating habits) are available as paperbacks, audiobooks and on Kindle. They lay out my step-by-step framework for changing habits, with exercises you can complete by yourself to plan the changes you want to make and work out what what’s been holding you back from making them on your own.
Order my books here
One-to-Ones
I have limited availability for face-to-face sessions. Details on the options I offer can be found on my website. You can also request prices and more information by emailing my team directly: hello@shahrooizadi.co.uk
I spent May making maps, affirmation graphics, and taking notes from The Kindness Method. I'm on Week 2 of Plan 1 and it's going well. I've had really hard days, but that was fine because I already knew it would be hard. The Headline Journals are incredibly helpful. I could write to you for hours Shahroo on how much I've learned in just this past month. I just got The Last Diet and have done the first snapshot from that. I was addicted to and quit xanax, valium, booze, cigarettes and excessive gaming. I couldn't figure out food -- until now. The bullies in my head are decidedly uncomfortable (not sprawled all over the couch now!). I've got data to counter the bs. And even better I can spot the catastrophizing film crew and shut them down instead of spending way too much time mesmerized and terrorized by their productions. I'm so incredibly grateful I clicked on your Diary of a CEO interview with Steven. The Kindness Method is one of the best books of my lifetime (I'm a grandmama so I've lived a bit) -- and I have no doubt The Last Diet will be up there too. much love and so much respect and gratitude for you, Shahroo! ♥ Tizz O'Toole
Great email. I’ve been following you for a while; really benefited from the online zoom chat; and the books of course.
The ‘take a screen shot’ is a brilliant idea.
The last statement ‘ … if someone you respected…’ really resonated !